Here is a kick ass list of nerd jokes.

Enjoy.

1. Duct Tape is like the Force.It has a light side and a dark side, and it holds the universe together.
2. Darth Vader’s wife is named Ella.
3. Sex is the most fun you can have without logging on.
4. How is a computer like an erection?It stays up as long as you don’t screw with it!
5. A nerd was walking on campus one day when his friend, another nerd, rode up on an incredible shiny new bicycle.The first nerd was stunned and asked, “Where did you get such a nice bike?”The second nerd replied, “Well, yesterday I was walking home minding my own business when a beautiful woman rode up to me on this bike.

   She threw the bike to the ground, took off all her clothes and said, ‘Take what you want!’”

   The second nerd nodded approvingly and said, “Good choice. The clothes probably wouldn’t have fit.”

6. An application was for employment
   A program was a TV show
   A cursor used profanity
   A keyboard was a piano!

   Memory was something that you lost with age
   A CD was a bank account
   And if you had a 3 1/2 inch floppy
   You hoped nobody found out!

   Compress was something you did to garbage
   Not something you did to a file
   And if you unzipped anything in public
   You’d be in jail for awhile!

   Log on was adding wood to a fire
   Hard drive was a long trip on the road
   A mouse pad was where a mouse lived
   And a backup happened to your commode!

   Cut – you did with a pocket knife
   Paste you did with glue
   A web was a spider’s home
   And a virus was the flu!

   I guess I’ll stick to my pad and paper
   And the memory in my head
   I hear nobody’s been killed in a computer crash
   But when it happens they wish they were dead!

7. A helicopter with a pilot and a single passenger was flying around above Seattle when a malfunction disabled all of the aircraft’s navigation and communications equipment. Due to the darkness and haze, the pilot could not determine the helicopter’s position and course to get back to the airport.The pilot saw a tall building with lights on and flew toward it, the pilot had the passenger draw a handwritten sign reading “WHERE AM I?” and hold it up for the building’s occupants to see.People in the building quickly responded to the aircraft, drew a large sign, and held it in a building window. Their sign said “YOU ARE IN A HELICOPTER.”

   The pilot smiled, waved, looked at his map, determined the course to steer to SEATAC airport, and landed safely.

   After they were on the ground, the passenger asked the pilot how the “YOU ARE IN A HELICOPTER” sign helped determine their position.

   The pilot responded “I knew that had to be the Microsoft support building, they gave me a technically correct but entirely useless answer.”

8. A neutron walks into a bar and orders a drink. Upon being asked the price, the bartender responded, “For you? No charge.”
9. Two atoms are walking down the street. One suddenly stops and says, “Oh no, I’ve lost an electron.”
   “Are you sure?”
   “I’m positive!”
10. What did the proton say to the electron?
    Stop being so negative
11. This customer comes into the computer store. “Im looking for a mystery Adventure Game with lots of graphics. You know, something really challenging.” “Well,” replied the clerk, “Have you tried Windows 98?”
12. If Bill Gates had a dime for every time a Windows box crashed…Oh, wait a minute, he already does.
13. Computers manufacturer is considering changing the command “Press Any Key” to “Press Return Key” because of the flood of calls asking where the “Any” key is.
14. Whats another name for the “Windows Vista ™” sticker they put on computers?
    The warning label.
15. Teacher: Shall I put the school computer on?
    Pupil: No, Miss, the dress youre wearing looks fine.
16. I’ve been on my computer all night!
    Don’t you think you’d be more comfortable on a bed like everyone else?
17. Some people say the glass is half full. Others say it is half empty. Nerds say you made too much glass.
18. A programmer had been missing from work for over a week when finally someone noticed and called the cops. They went round to his flat and broke down the door. They found him dead in the still running shower with an empty bottle of shampoo next to his body. The instructions on the bottle said:

    1. Wet hair
    2. Apply shampoo
    3. Lather
    4. Rinse
    5. Repeat

19. Roses are #FF0000 , Violets are #0000FF
20. Nerdy pick-up lines :
    “I wish I was DNA helicase so I could unzip your genes”
    “Baby, you must be auxin cuz you’re giving me rapid stem elongation”
    “Baby, you turn my floopy disk into a hard drive”
    “YouTube Myspace and I’ll Google your Yahoo”

I hope you liked the jokes I have put together, pass it on to your friends!